Who Do I Love?
by LoveIsBlind
Summary: UPDATED! Chapter 2 is up! My first Matt-based Lizzie fic. He's now 15 years old, and questioning his sexuality. (There will be slash in later chapters.)
1. Chapter 1

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A/N: I've decided to write a new Lizzie Fic! (I WILL continue writing "Dreaming of You", though.). Unlike my other fic, which involves all of the main characters, this fic is only going to contain Matt! Yay! Yeah. I don't know how this is going to go though.

Major changes: Matt is 15, and his personality is TONS different from the cheery Matt we see on the show. With that in mind, enjoy this first chapter. 

Matt McGuire looked at his reflection in his bedroom mirror, spiking his already spiky hair with care. He was in high school now. He was with the big boys now. And looks meant everything. To everyone. Even the people who didn't fit in anywhere, like Michelle Ashton, and Lucas Brady found some way to relate it to them.

His older sister, Lizzie, had always told him that high school was the greatest… that it would indeed be the best years of his life. Hah! If she were here now, he'd laugh out loud in her face. If anything, these were turning out to be the WORST years of his life. 

It had nothing to do with his social life, really. He had what he thought to be a lot of friends, and even though he wasn't Mr. Popular, he wasn't downright nasty, either. He knew of a few girls who had 'crushes' on him. But they just weren't good enough for him… Well.. Wait. That was the wrong way of wording it. Maybe saying that none of those girls were the one for him. He was convinced that there was no girl out there for him. That didn't bother him too much, though. 

He hadn't ever really been attracted to girls. Sure, he had had his moments when he thought the occasional girl was damn sexy, but that hadn't happened since about… 4th grade. And that 'occasional' girl was his substitute teacher. Matt just didn't know what was going on with him these days. He did want a girlfriend, but… But he couldn't do that. Not when he was having feelings for one his best friends. One of his best GUY friends, mind you. Matt wasn't really ashamed of his feelings. They just made him feel uncomfortable at times. Okay, so his feelings made him feel uncomfortable ALL the time… that was totally besides the point. 

He sighed, putting down the bottle of hair gel, and tromped downstairs where his mother and father were sitting, discussing what they were going to do with Lizzie next week when she came home to visit from college. Matt smiled at the mention of his big sister returning home. He missed her. He'd missed her ever since she'd started going out with Gordo. Apparently they were now engaged. _It's a shame,_ he thought, _Gordo is really quite cute._

Matt gasped, smacking himself upside the head. WHERE THE HELL HAD THAT COME FROM? 

"Are you alright, Matt?", his mother, Jo, asked.

He forced a smile. "I'm great. And you?"

He walked out the door before he could have even begun to hear his mother's reply.

_Oh well. I've got more important people to see right now… _

A/N: This is all I'm going to write for now. Let me know what you think, and I'll keep going. (Actually, I'd keep going with or without reviews, but hey, what the heck? J ) Peace!


	2. Chapter 2

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A/N: Alrightie, here I am, updating more quickly than I ever thought I would. J So, how have all you people been? I've been doing okay, I guess. Things could be better…. Then again, things could also be worse. 

Major changes: Matt is 15, and his personality is TONS different from the cheery Matt we see on the show. With that in mind, enjoy the 2nd chapter. 

I sighed as I walked into my rather pathetic looking high school. Honestly, couldn't they do something about the condition of this place? It looked more like a prison than a school. Because of some of the people who attended the school, it could probably also pass as an insane asylum. Hell, it WAS an insane asylum. I mindlessly walked through the hallways and the cafeteria in order to reach my destination: the worthless, rusty cubicle that was supposed to be a locker. Ha! They could have fooled me! This 'locker' had barely enough room for my Algebra I and Modern World History textbooks. So, while I was silently raging about this stupid school, HE came up to my locker. 

"Hey, Matt, what's up??!!", he asked, going into his routine of doing one of those handshake things with me that girls never understand. I smiled. Any negative thoughts that may have been invading my mind were now gone. Everything was alright when HE was here.

I shook my head. "Nothing, as usual. I've got no life.", I replied.

"Bull, Matt. You have a life… I mean, come on.", he protested, obviously trying to figure out what I was thinking, "There are tons of girls who want you, buddy."

"Ooh", I muttered more than a little sarcastically, "Big freakin' deal."

"What's with you today, man? Did the door hit your ass on the way out or what?"

"No. I'm just in a bad mood.", I replied, hastily grabbing my English 9 materials. I sighed. I really didn't want to go to that class. I downright hated it, and to make it worse, we were currently reading "Romeo and Juliet" by William Shakespeare. Stupid love stories anyway.

He nodded. "Um, okay." He looked like he felt kind of awkward, but he continued. "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for ya man."

Out of all things to say, he just had to say that, didn't he? I was sure I was totally blushing. I turned back to my locker and slammed it shut. "That's cool. I'll have to take you up on that offer sometime."

He opened his mouth to say something when the first bell rang, signaling that there were only four more minutes until first hour began. "I guess I'll see you in Spanish, then, Matt?"

I nodded. "Sure thing."

He turned, walking to his first class of the day, Ceramics. I sighed. First and Second hours were going to go so slow. Spanish class was my highlight of my day, because I got to see the guy I thought about every night before I went to sleep, and the very second I woke up every morning. The guy I dreamed of holding in my arms every night for the rest of my life. The guy I dreamed of gently kissing on the lips when he was sad, and he would do the same for me. I was at the point where I believed that dreaming was useless. Sure, it was fun at first, but if you dreamt enough, sooner or later, you won't be able to tell the difference between reality and dreams. As much as I wished that I would someday be with, and marry, this guy I loved so very much at the moment, I knew it would never be. And to put it mildly, it sucks.

I shook myself out of my dreamland (see? There I go, drifting off in to dreams when I'm supposed to be paying attention to the reality I was surrounded by.), and decided that I had better hurry up and get to my stupid English class, or my teacher would throw a freakin' fit. I stared at the ground all the way to English, trying not to feel too discouraged as I slid into my seat. There'd be plenty of time to dream later. I'd make sure of that.


End file.
